 There seems to be a lot of talk at the moment about “social prescribing”. Instead of, or perhaps as well as, prescribing medication and medical interventions, doctors will start to prescribe social activities, from visiting galleries to playing the drums. And, from my perspective, this could not happen sooner.
There is an abundance of research and evidence about the benefits of doing something which has no purpose other than allowing us simply to be. Something into which we can submerge ourselves, losing track of time, and something outside of or other than the material and the physical. Something which Émile Durkheim referred to as “sacred time”, and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explores as “flow”; being so engrossed in an activity that one loses a sense of time, and the reward is the activity itself. Assuming that prevention is better than cure, what could you be doing to improve your well-being? How will you have sacred time, and find flow? Whatever you find which takes you away from the material and the physical, make sure it becomes a part of your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly life, one step at a time. And you know that it makes sense, don’t you?
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 When a baby smiles all but the hardest of hearts responds by smiling back, for the smile of a baby is indeed a beautiful thing. Until recently, it was assumed that this smile was a reflex, as the assumption was that babies had no mechanism to understand the social smile. Research is starting to show that in fact babies do very quickly learn the social smile. The unconscious mind is such a powerful force!
For, of course, the emotions are governed by the unconscious mind. We process our interactions and experiences, fed by the five senses, and these inform our unconscious responses and learnings. And this process is happening all of the time. It is, therefore, kind of unsurprising that babies master the social smile, that real smile which we instantly recognise and instinctively know when it is being faked. Babies almost have an advantage in that the critical faculty, which can be such a barrier to much, is yet to form, allowing babies to unquestioningly process what works and what does not. As adults, we can learn how the critical faculty works and how it can be a barrier to change. We can learn about the conscious and unconscious minds, what they do and how they work. Learning is power, and with that power we can overcome our internal barriers to change, and move to a new model of the world where we can achieve our goals. Which sounds amazing, doesn’t it?  It seems that llamas, yes, really, could hold the key to a universal vaccine against all strains of flu. OK, it’s early days yet and there appears to be real excitement in the scientific and medical communities about this potential breakthrough, with a flurry of articles on the subject. And given that over 600,000 people die each year as a result of complications from flu, as well as the millions around the world who become sick each year and all the associated costs of that, it will be something to celebrate if the research leads to the desired outcome, a universal vaccine.
And who thought of looking at llamas? Of all the animals, what was it about the llama that someone, somewhere, thought “Let’s see what the llama can offer in this field”. A real leap of faith. I’m no expert and I suspect that there was other information about the llama out there, and someone made a connection which led to all the excitement we are seeing today. Our unconscious minds are full of all sorts of information, analysed, categorised and stored, and all done in ways which we are only beginning to understand. And if we trust our unconscious mind, really trust it to do what it does best, it can make so many connections for us and lead us to better, more, greater. Allow yourself to remember and know all of the times that your unconscious mind pointed you in the right direction, and you know that you can do that whenever you want, don’t you?  I recently read two articles; one about millennials, and the other about one of Jennifer Lopez’s Instagram posts. Millennials, for those of you who don’t know, are defined as those who reached adulthood in the early 21st century, so at the point of me writing, a millennial is any adult under the age of 40. Millennials do seem to get some bad press, possibly justified and possibly not, and definitely not a help to those adults under 40 who are just getting on with life, much like the rest of us are.
Jennifer Lopez was praised for posting about her sister’s child, Brendan, using gender-neutral pronouns and focussing on Brendan’s achievements. I don’t know how Brendan chooses to self-label; what matters is that the labels, once chosen, are respected. So how are the two linked? All too often we self-label or allow others to label us without really thinking about what that means. Do the labels we acquire properly define who we are, or do we simply accept them because that is what we do? And does it matter? In short, it does. It matters a lot. Labels can and do limit us, just as they can liberate and redefine us. Think about your own labels. What do they mean to you? And what do they mean to others? Is the label defining you, or are you defining the label? And remember, only you can write your own labels, and you know that you can change them and yourself at any time, don’t you?  In November 2018, the Demos-PwC Good Growth for Cities Index was published and, with 10 years of data, was able to show the relative state of 42 cities across the United Kingdom. And in 2018, Preston was the city with the biggest improvement.
A more detailed look at Preston shows a number of factors played a part. Preston was struggling badly after the economic crash of 2007 and with no plans, something had to change. There was real leadership, plans were drawn up, decisions were made, and action happened. There was external support, motivating and encouraging the local leaders. And finally, in addition to support, the local authority invested in external support, bringing in new knowledge and evidence-based practice. The results now speak for themselves, and it’s always rewarding when any hard work is externally and independently acknowledged. This is an excellent example of the Satir Change Model in action. It is also an excellent example of personal change. There is first the recognition that the current model of the world is no longer viable or wanted. Secondly, for there to be change, we have to make plans and implement them. Without action, nothing changes. Getting external support is always good; it provides motivation and is a useful check on progress. And finally, being resourceful is about knowing where to get help and support, and modelling excellence is always a good way forward. The motto, then, is simple. Be like Preston. Because you know you can change, don’t you?  The end of 2018 is fast approaching, and I find myself wondering how many people made New Year’s resolutions at the start of the year, and how many have actually achieved their goals. A very quick trawl of the Internet would suggest that about half of us make resolutions and by February most resolutions have been abandoned. Which, frankly, is not a great success rate.
In many ways it’s easy to have great resolutions. A shiny list of all the good that we plan for the year ahead. We’re then hit by the reality of life, the barriers and obstacles, the self-doubt, the lack of instant success, the defeatism… the list goes on… and on. And another great idea is set adrift to that place where all broken ideas end up, a place called “Some Day Isle”. What, then, can you do differently? Make sure you aim for something positive, really positive. Negative goals, what you don’t want, will get you moving and this will not last, so aim for what you want. Make sure you can see yourself doing the goal, whatever the goal is. You want a picture with you in it doing what you want to achieve. And really describe the picture; what you’re doing, what you see, what you hear, what you feel. And while you’re at it, include what you taste and smell. Make the picture as real as possible. Set a first step. Set a hugely detailed first step, with exactly what you will do, what you will achieve and when you will do it. And then make sure you do it. Of course, all of this is great. The only way, though, to achieve success is to make it happen and take action. So take action. If what you do turns out differently from what you wanted, stop and take stock. Learn from what you did. Make changes. And take action again. You know that you can get there. And just imagine how good it feels to reach your goals. Because life is amazing when you’re exactly who you want to be, isn’t it?  The idea of perfectionism is fairly straight-forward to understand; striving to do everything in a way which is perfect, flawless, without error. And I’m sure we all know people who are perfectionists, for whom second-best simply will not do. It all seems harmless enough and, is there anything wrong with wanting everything to be just right? Research published in 2017, carried out by Thomas Curren and Andrew P. Hill, shows that from 1989 to 2016 there has been a significant increase in self-orientated, socially prescribed and other-orientated perfectionism. In other words, we are demanding more of ourselves, peer pressure demands more of us, and factors external to us are also expecting more. Again, is there anything wrong with wanting ever better?
The answer, it would seem, is that there is a lot wrong with this perpetually increasing push for perfection. There is a year-on-year increase in the number of people experiencing and reporting negative mental health issues, something which appears to be disproportionately affecting young people, although the rest of us are far from immune. Advertising, the media, social media; all seem to be promoting an increasingly glossy view of the world to which many of use simply cannot aspire. This surely has to take its toll, which the work of Curren and Hill confirms. It is time to stop. Time to reflect. Time to work out who we really want to be. And all we really need to ask, no, demand, is for each of us to be the very best version of ourselves. Nothing more and nothing less. I know I can do that. And you know that you can too, don’t you?  There is a plethora of self-help books, articles, websites and the like out there, and many perpetuate the myth that it takes 21 or possibly 30 or possibly some other random number of days to embed a new habit or behaviour. The truth about embedding change is somewhat different.
In 1960 Dr Maxwell Maltz published “Psycho-Cybernetics” in which he shared his views on behaviour change, and this included his observation that change took a minimum of 21 days to embed. This was not a random number, but a number based on his observations of how long his patients took to adjust to surgical changes to their bodies as well as his own observations of how long it took him to change his own behaviour. With the passing of time, the minimum of 21 days became 21 days or 30 days or another number of days. The reality is we are all different. Some changes can and do happen more quickly, whereas others can take time. The important first step is wanting to change and then knowing what that change will be. If you can do that for yourself, do it. You also know that you can seek help, because the most important is becoming the very best version of yourself, isn’t it?  In May 2018 the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development reported a further increase in the number of people going to work when unwell, and a similar increase in the number of people using annual leave to work. This is a far cry from John Maynard Keynes’ view that we would all be working a 15-hour week by 2030. Where did that seemingly utopian dream go?
If indeed we are all working more, I am left wondering what we are sacrificing. Family? Friends? Hobbies? Our health? And for what reasons? There is a growing body of evidence that working less, rather than more, makes us more productive, healthier and, as a result, happier. Stop and take stock. Do you really need to work all of those hours? And ask yourself what you are not doing by doing so much work. Is this what you really want for yourself and those around you? You already know the answer, don’t you?  I am fascinated by happiness. I’ve worked with people for many years and I’ve lost count the number of times when people tell me that all they want is to be happy. And who wouldn’t agree with that sentiment? I know I’m certainly looking to do what makes me happy and avoid or remove the things which don’t. I’m also a generally “glass half full” type of person; there’s always negative stuff going on, and always loads more good stuff happening, and that’s what I end up focussing on.
Despite this, we all know people who seem unhappy for no apparent reason, and when something bad actually happens to them, it appears to give them something to hang their unhappiness on. And it leaves me wondering how some can be so miserable when others can be so happy. I recently read a BBC article “Why things may not be as bad as we think”. This article suggests that we are programmed to react more to the negative than the positive, which means that bad news stories will stay with us longer than good news stories. Happiness researcher, Gretchen Rubin, points to research which suggests about 50 percent of our ability to be happy is hardwired, meaning some of us are hardwired to be more happy than others, who are hardwired to be less happy. 20 percent is a response to life events and circumstances, which means that 30 percent is within our immediate control. In the article “The Reason Some People Just Seem Happier Than Others” Rubin goes on to talk about the changes that she made to improve her overall sense of happiness. As with so many changes, she successfully improved her level of happiness by making small but concrete changes in her everyday life. Being happy rather than sad surely has to be better. There are, though, some benefits to being down, as the article “The emotion centre is the oldest part of the human brain: why is mood so important?” points out. The article also looks at the autobiographical memory and cognitive memory, and the part that they play in mood disorders and the potential treatment options for those disorders. What is clear is that being happy, which a great aim in itself, is a poor goal. We can have everything we want yet be anything but happy as a result of immediate events and circumstances around us. In simple terms, great goals are about doing more of the things that we like and less of the things that we don’t. Some of us may have to work a little bit harder to overcome the negative emotions and the limiting beliefs, yet it is all within our control. Even if we are being held back by any one of the many mood disorders, we can learn to be positive and, using that new-found positivity, achieve our goals. You know that it you really want it, you can achieve it, don’t you?  "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”. At least, that’s how the saying goes. And I guess that there’s nothing really wrong with trying again. There is, though, everything wrong with trying again, so let me explain.
There will be times when we do something that we’ve not done before. It may work out fine the very first time that we do it, and that’s great. If, however, we get a different result to the one we wanted, what do we do? If we try again, we may simply repeat the same erroneous steps, and end up with the same result. We may give up, consoling ourselves with the notion that “at least we tried”, and giving ourselves a false sense of achievement. We are at least better than those who did nothing, yet we are still so far from those who actually did it. Instead, think about it another way. Decide to do it or decide not to do it. Be bold and resolute either way. If you decide to do it, commit to doing it. Leave the trying for others, and be the one that does it. If it works out, celebrate what you’ve done. You decided to do it and you did it. If you get a different outcome, don’t try again. Stop. Work out what worked and do more of that. Work out what could have been better and do it better. And then do it. And when you’ve done it, celebrate what you’ve done. Of course, you may reach a point where you just cannot get to where you want to be. In which case, celebrate your progress. Celebrate all that you have done. Celebrate all that you have learned. Celebrate that you’ve moved forward. Remember, there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. Then decide what you want to do next. And do it! You can do that, can’t you?  The vast majority of us have no choice but to go to work. After all, living is not free and we all have bills to pay. If you’re fortunate enough to love the job you have, the chances are your days will mostly end on a positive note. However, whether you are in your dream job or not, the article “4 Simple Ways to End Each Workday Happy” provides four great ways to ensure that your workdays do end well.
All four suggestions are great, and the first really stood out for me. We frequently forgot to praise what went well and all too easily slip into the criticism of what didn’t go as planned, allowing this to overwhelm us. Taking a few moments to review all of our accomplishments, however small, is a real boost. Read the article. See what works for you. Try them out for 30 days and see what a difference they make. If they make your great job even better, that’s brilliant. If you realise that despite everything you do to find the successes, it’s still not the job for you, then it’s time to make some changes. Work out what you want, set some goals and go for it. You can do that on your own or with help, can’t you?  Anxiety can range from a sense of mild apprehension to an overwhelming feeling of paralysis, stopping you from doing anything at all. It is all very well in these situations to tell yourself to keep calm and do whatever you have to do, so easily said and yet so difficult to actually implement.
Two articles, “10 Ways to Cope With Anxiety” by Robert L. Leahy, and “Surprising ways to beat anxiety and become mentally strong – according to science” by Olivia Remes, both provide some excellent ideas on how to overcome anxiety and get on with, well, just about anything and everything. NLP provides some excellent tools to help people overcome anxiety. Time Line Therapy™ techniques work by establishing the root cause, taking positive learnings from that first experience, and then applying the learnings to all subsequent negative experiences. Anchoring can be applied in various ways, from embedding positive emotions to replacing negative, unwanted emotions with positive, forward-looking ones. And, of course, coaching can help you set the goals to take you from your current anxious state to one where you are in control and achieving your goals. You know that you can do this, don’t you?
Simone Scully, in the article “How pilots deal with stress can teach us all something about the importance of self-care” looks at the range of ways that pilots manage stress, which is critical if they are to do their jobs well. The article raises a number of useful ideas, many of which revolve around planning. And planning, it has to be said, is the key on so many occasions to achieving our goals, from managing stress to managing the changes we want to make.
Planning, though, always sounds so easy yet can at times prove to be almost impossible to work out. If you can do it for yourself, get on now and do it. If, however, you need support, think about how coaching can make the difference. You’ve everything to gain, haven’t you?  In what appears to be an increasingly busy world, finding ways to achieve a good work-life balance takes on an ever-greater importance. It also links in with a greater interest in looking after our mental well-being and the growing recognition of the damage that stress can do.
A quick Internet search reveals a real smorgasbord of tips, advice and ideas to achieve a better work-life balance. I was particularly taken with an article by Deborah Jian Lee, “6 Tips For Better Work-Life Balance”. All six tips make great sense, and it was the final tip which really resonated with me. It suggests starting small, rather than attempting major changes, to build sustainable change. This is the ideal way to get to where you want to be; work out the end goal, and then establish the steps to get there. If you get can there on your own, with the resources that you already have, then go for it. If, however, you are not sure, coaching provides real support in setting those goals and working out how to get there. You know that, don’t you?  It almost sounds crazy to suggest that if you smile and tell yourself out loud it will make the task easier. Yet it actually is the case and there is science to support it. So, take a deep breath, smile and say out loud “I’m going to read the rest of the article”.
It must work as you’re still reading! Let’s start with the smile. We know that we smile when we are happy, and we equally know how good it feels when someone smiles at us; not a fake smile, which we are extraordinarily good at spotting, but a real smile, one that lifts our spirits and brightens our day way beyond the time that the smile itself lasts. Leo Widrich, author of “The Science of Smiling: A Guide to The World’s Most Powerful Gesture”, looks at what happens to our brains when we smile (he argues that smiling provides a reward that is greater than chocolate and money) as well as what smiling does to our wellbeing, our sense of success and our levels of happiness. He also gives a three step guide to a better smile which, if we do what he says, will allow us to smile more, with greater confidence and generate better responses from those around us. Now that we know the importance of smiling, it’s time to think about talking out loud. In the article “Is talking to yourself a sign of mental illness? An expert delivers her verdict” Paloma Mari-Beffa looks at the science behind the idea of talking out loud to achieve better results. It seems that we respond to the auditory stimulus of hearing ourselves give instructions, which is the reason for us then completing the task more effectively. As such, rather than a sign of madness, talking out loud to yourself is more sign of an evolved mind wanting to achieve more.
I was particularly struck by the common sense messages in the article "Top tips for exam preparation", with some really good ideas from looking after yourself to remembering to watch the time. For some, preparing for exams is easy and well-planned, whereas for others it seems a random chaos of notes, open books and sleepless nights. It is, perhaps, fair to say that most find out what works and it does appear that on the day most do as well as they might. And that is no consolation for those who know that they could have done better.
It would also be fair to say that few approach exams without some feeling of anxiety. It's when anxiety begins to take over that it becomes an issue. "How to overcome exam anxiety" provides some useful thoughts; a clear distinction between low and high level anxiety, and some ideas to how to reduce anxiety. Hypnosis can also provide considerable support by guiding the unconscious mind to take a series of positive steps prior to, at the beginning of and during exams. Positive steps which may allow you to do better, achieve more and get to where you want to be. Positive steps which are the difference between getting the grades to move on to the next stage and having to revise your options. And with so much pressure these days to do well and succeed, hypnosis is certainly worth exploring, isn't it?
And what is happiness? We know when we’ve got it and we equally know when we do not, yet it seems difficult to define. It’s also possible to be happy in one moment, and not in the next. A goal, therefore, of happiness almost seems futile. The NewStatesman published an article “The pursuit of happiness: what is happiness, and how can we make ourselves happier?”. Unsurprisingly, the article does not reveal the secrets to happiness as this would be an impossible task. It is down to each of us to work out what makes us happy, and then do it. And this is where coaching can help.
Coaching allows you to work out what is going well, what could be going better and what, quite frankly, you could completely stop doing. With some well-defined goals, precise enough to give you a sense of purpose and an even greater sense of success when you get there, yet flexible enough to allow you to adapt as your circumstances change, life can suddenly feel better. Better because you are in control, better because you are recognising what is already good, and better because you are doing something about the rest.  I've just read an article "5 Unexpected Ways to Deal When You're Overwhelmed at Work", and in many ways it makes a lot of sense. Take time to plan, take a break, talk with a colleague, and get a full night's sleep are all great suggestions. I am not so sure about working at the weekends, but I guess if on the rare occasion it gets you through the week it may be worth doing.
That said, I was left feeling that it's easy to know what to do and at times a lot harder to make it happen. How do you effectively plan when you're feeling overwhelmed by everything? What will allow you to get a good night's sleep when you can't switch off due to the amount you have going on? When can you take a break with the work piling up? Coaching can provide some real answers when dealing with work. Techniques to help you plan more effectively, relaxation skills to let you switch off at night, and above all else a change in mind set, so that you not only feel in control but you are in control. Just imagine! An end to that overwhelming, stress-inducing pattern which causes so many sleepless nights. You know you can do it... all you need is some support to move to where you want it to be.  Do we really need to exercise? Of course we do. The evidence to support the benefits of exercise is overwhelming, and the impact of regular exercise on our physical and emotional well-being is deep and long-lasting. It does, though, always seem to raise the question of how much exercise do we need to do before there are any benefits. The answer, it would seem, is anything is better than nothing, which I guess makes sense, and the more that we can do the better.
It's all very well knowing that we need to exercise, and nothing will move us if we don't have the motivation, lack the self-belief, or simply don't know where to start. This is where NLP coaching can play a significant part and support you to take the first steps. Use coaching to set the goals, and accept the NLP techniques, including Time Line TherapyTM techniques and hypnosis, to overcome the doubts and lack of self-belief. You can know that you get there, one step at a time, to achieve. Now you're thinking about it. Take the next step and find out how much exercise is enough by reading an article by James Brown, Lecturer in Biology and Biomedical Sciences at Aston University, which you can find here. And then take the next step...
"There are no constraints on the human mind,
no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect." Ronald Reagan  In what appears to be an increasingly busy world, finding ways to achieve a good work-life balance takes on an ever-greater importance. It also links in with a greater interest in looking after our mental well-being and the growing recognition of the damage that stress can do.
A quick Internet search reveals a real smorgasbord of tips, advice and ideas to achieve a better work-life balance. I was particularly taken with an article by Deborah Jian Lee, “6 Tips For Better Work-Life Balance”. All six tips make great sense, and it was the final tip which really resonated with me. It suggests starting small, rather than attempting major changes, to build sustainable change. This is the ideal way to get to where you want to be; work out the end goal, and then establish the steps to get there. If you get can there on your own, with the resources that you already have, then go for it. If, however, you are not sure, coaching provides real support in setting those goals and working out how to get there. You know that, don’t you? |
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